Tick. Tick. Tick...

So for Christmas this past year, my girlfriend bought me the Rob Bell books I didn't yet own. (Errr... four out of five of them.) I first heard of Rob Bell a few years back when I watched his NOOMA videos. I became a fan pretty quickly because he pushes his viewers/readers to think outside the box of Christianity. He offers new perspectives that are pushed aside by other authors and pastors. Currently, I am reading Velvet Elvis, Bell's first popular book.

Before we dive in, let me tell you a bit about where I am in life.

My name is Zach. I am a sophomore and a Youth and Family Ministry Major at Augsburg College in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I have known I wanted to work in ministry, since was a freshman in high school. I would often give mini-sermons on Wednesday nights at my church when I was in high school. That was how I was able to express myself and my religious beliefs. They would inspire me to think critically about life and religion intertwined. But I don't find myself doing that much on a regular basis anymore. I think critically for class purposes, but never for the sake of learning and sharing what I learned. That is why I have created this blog. So that you can listen to what I have to say, and chew on it. And then, spit something back at me.

Today, I would like to talk a little bit about knowing oneself and being happy with who you are.

Rob brings up this topic in the third section of Velvet Elvis, entitled, Tassels. Rob was filled with success and yet he seemed depressed. He had built one of the most successful churches in the history of church, yet he found himself locking himself in a closet so he could be alone before a service started. Rob was living a "Christian lifestyle" but yet he was failing to be happy. He was always helping others. Always trying to teach others about Jesus. Staying late to talk for a few extra minutes wherever he went, but this didn't fill him up. Rob was always trying to help others with their issues. Sit in the midst of their problems. This helped him cover up his own wounds.

I talk about this experience that Rob had, because it hits home for me. It is my story. It could be your story, too. I don't ever let myself get really worked up. I don't ever show my colors when I could be emotional. I take it and bottle it up, right next to my heart, where it sits and waits to explode.

Is this you?

Are you a time bomb waiting to explode, like I often am?

And when I do explode. I scare myself. I hate it when I do. I am trying to find a way so I don't do that anymore.

We are this way, because we don't want to face the true struggles that we have been through. We don't want to show others our weaknesses. We want to be fake. We want to be "happy." Bell talks about how he had issues that he never worked out from when he was thirteen. I have never really worked out my relationship with my own Dad, or even given it much of a shot. (It kills me to write this, where anyone could read it. But let me be honest, because if I am not, I am just bottling it up and keeping it inside for another time to explode.)

This past semester I struggled financially at school, and almost couldn't enroll for the spring. I owed an absurd amount of money, and I couldn't wrap my mind around how I would eventually take care of it (God worked it out.). But I hadn't told anyone. The school notified my grandpa and he called me. I blew up on him. He didn't deserve it. Later, I told my girlfriend about what was going on. And after that conversation. I really don't think I could have felt better.

When we talk about our problems, we pour out the bottles, creating less pressure, less stress that will eventually defuse. When we talk about our problems, we grow in relationship with those we love. When talk about our personal problems, we are able to learn something about ourselves.

We've got to know ourselves and what we can do and what we can handle. We've got to know our limits, and we've got to know when we need to talk. So today, I invite you to learn a bit about yourself. Think about something you struggle with. And share it with someone you love. After that's exactly what I am doing right now.